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This is a transcribed copy of "Lemming Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Video Game Deaths". Edit or add to this page, but remember all information should come directly from the original source. Any false information will be sent to The Daily Punctilio. |
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I am NOT a MONKEY!
The following article or section concerns information that is considered even less canonical than the chance of a happy ending. Any information following should not be used as a source for the canon of the book series. |
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| Speaker | Dialogue |
|---|---|
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) One dreary day, two video game Lemmings were told to dig... when they should have climbed. |
| Two Lemmings obediently dig and fall off the screen | |
| Beatrand | Well, the man says "dig." |
| Lemony Snicket | (V.O.) Because of this misplaced click, the two Lemmings dug through the ground and fell off the screen. |
| Beatrand and Beatrice fall off the screen | |
| Beatrand | Curse you, video game player! |
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) But this is not their story. Which is too bad, because if it was, it would be over. This is the story of the three children they left behind: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny. And terrible things were going to happen to them. |
| The three Lemmings look at the audience in surprise; Sunny gulps | |
| The title card is shown | |
| Among the gears and clockwork, Lemming sits at a typewriter. | |
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) Be warned that this mad parody will be very sad. You may want to close your eyes 'til the credits play. Because nothing sad ever happens in the credits. Actually, they get squished and pushed to the side, which is sad for the crew. But everyone else should be fine. |
| Outside of Wario’s house is shown | |
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) We begin as our three orphans meet their new guardian. |
| Wario | Hello, hello, hello! It’s-a me, Wario! Your beloved distant uncle… and the evil version of Mario! Now I’mma lock you up in a tower and steal your family fortune! |
| Violet | That’s not very subtle. |
| Wario | Ha! You should’ve seen the Jim Carry version. |
| A picture of Count Olaf is shown. The orphans were shown on beds in the tower. | |
| Klaus | Great. We’re trapped forever. |
| Violet | If only one of them had a special skill perfect for escaping... |
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) The orphans sat for a moment. Then Violet remembered her Lemming skill: having an umbrella, and that was perfect for escaping. |
| Violet | Well, that wasn’t so bad. |
| Lemony Snicket | (V.O.) Not so fast! |
| Scene shifts to a field | |
| Lemony Snicket | (V.O.) Having escaped their evil guardian, the orphans were given a new, non-evil protector. |
| Mario | It’s-a me, a regular Mario! Don’t you worry, kids. That evil Wario will never hurt you again! On a totally unrelated matter, meet my new assistant... Aario! |
| AARIO (clearly Wario in disguise) | Hello again, children I’ve never met. |
| Violet | That’s Wario! |
| Mario | Nonsense! Wario is an evil man with a ziggy-zaggy mustache. Aario is a good man with a puffy mustache! He’s feeding me to a Piranha Plant! Hold on! This might not be what it looks like! |
| Mario gets eaten | |
| Klaus | Umbrellas won’t save us now! |
| Violet | Quick, Klaus! Do the one thing you do! |
| Klaus creates a staircase so high that Wario can’t reach them. | |
| Orphans | Yay! |
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) But the story isn’t over yet. |
| Klaus | Oh, come on! We won! |
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) Nope. More bad stuff. |
| Klaus creates a staircase so high that Wario can’t reach them. | |
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) The orphans were given to yet another doomed guardian. |
| Tetromino | Greetings, children. Welcome to Tetris. Please say hello to our new janitor... Jario. |
| Jario, who is clearly Wario, puts blocks in between the others causing them to glow. | |
| Tetromino | Oh no. |
| Tetromino dissappears. | |
| Violet | Quick! Stairs! |
| Klaus creates another staircase | |
| Klaus | Now umbrella! |
| Violet opens her umbrella allowing them to escape | |
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) But the children’s worries were not over yet. |
| Violet | Oh yes they were. |
| The orphans have entered the room where Snicket is | |
| Lemming Snicket | What are you doing? |
| Violet | Introducing you to Sunny’s skill. |
| Lemming Snicket | Which is... |
| He looks at his paper and sees the word “exploding.” | |
| Lemming Snicket | Oh ... exploding. |
| Sunny explodes and the scene transitions to the three on a beach | |
| Violet | And they lived happily ever after. Write it! |
| The three are sitting on Lemming Snicket | |
| Lemming Snicket | (V.O.) Fine. I still say a sad ending would've been better. Ooh! Wait! Here come those squishy credits. Looks like it’ll be sad for the crew after all... |
| Credits roll, getting squished and pushed aside. Crying in the background. | |