|“||There's nothing wrong with athletics, but they shouldn't get in the way of your schoolwork.||”|
— Mr. Remora, The Austere Academy
He taught a class that passed for English in Room One. His method of teaching involved telling short stories (often about himself) and quizzing the students on minute details. In his class were Carmelita Spats and Duncan Quagmire, the latter of whom often managed to take notes on the monotonous stories to study from.
He has a habit of constantly eating bananas in a rather messy way, as indicated by the peels dropping on the floor.
|“||You're the boss, Nero. If you say they're expelled, they're expelled.||”|
— Mr. Remora, The Austere Academy
Upon arriving at Prufrock, Violet Baudelaire is enrolled in Mr. Remora's class, which she hates so much that "she'd almost rather stay in the Orphans Shack all morning and eat her meals with her hands tied behind her back[... than] learn from such a wretched man."
During one of Nero's recitals, the Baudelaires notice that Mr. Remora and Mrs. Bass are giggling and sharing a banana in the back row of the auditorium. Neither of them seem to be aware of the new gym teacher, Coach Genghis.
After Violet begins to participate in S.O.R.E. in gym class, Mr. Remora realizes that her academic performance is suffering so after she failed a test, he reports the complication to Nero. Nero instructs both him and Mrs. Bass to make comprehensive exams to give to Violet and her brother, Klaus Baudelaire, on everything they have learned since they've arrived at the school, in order to determine if their conduct are grounds for expulsion.
The next morning, the two teachers and Nero arrive at the Orphans Shack to quiz the Baudelaire siblings. Mr. Remora quizzes Violet and discovers that she is able to correctly answer all of his questions. After eating eight bananas, Mr. Remora tells Nero that Violet is a very fine student who has obviously studied hard so there was no need to continue the examination. Nero is upset, since he wanted to expel someone, so Mr. Remora suggests Carmelita because she never studies and "is an awful person besides." Nero refuses not only because of his nepotism for her, but also because she was Genghis's special messenger. This causes Mr. Remora to request information on the gym teacher, who soon arrives.
Genghis reveals that the Baudelaires skipped gym class to study, which Nero uses as an excuse to justify failing the Baudelaire siblings. Mr. Remora objects against the decision by pointing out to the Vice Principal that he is incorrect about saying Sunny Baudelaire is a terrible secretary (she did quite a bit of stapling for him), and he also argues that the children practiced excellent time management by putting their studies above their athletics. However, once Nero asserts his authority as Vice Principal and expels Violet, Klaus, and Sunny nevertheless, Remora concedes and dismisses his argument.
When the Baudelaires race after a fleeing Coach Genghis, the teachers and Arthur Poe catch up to them in time to discover he has kidnapped the Quagmire triplets and that he is actually Count Olaf in disguise.
After choking on a banana, Mr. Remora decided to retire from Prufrock. Ms. K replaced him as the English teacher, and she changed the curriculum from telling short stories to giving coded books to the children, causing her to be fired due to complaints from Mr. and Mrs. Spats and kidnap two orphans.
It is unknown if Remora took his job back following Ms. K's departure.
- Hal: I didn't realize this was a sad occasion.
- Mr. Remora: It won't be a sad occasion if you feed us.
Remora receives an invitation for a party with an all-you-can-eat banana buffet. He goes with Nero and Bass to the Hotel Denouement for the event, though both of them believe the party will feature different things, and Bass is on the run after robbing from Mulctuary Money Management.
As a concierge arrives- Sunny Baudelaire in disguise- Remora and Bass beg Nero to cease violin practice for a little bit in order to have a lunch break. When Nero finally agrees, Remora asks Bass if she should bring her loot with her, unintentionally pointing out the stolen money to Sunny. The group heads to an Indian restaurant in Room 954, where Hal attempts (and fails) to give them VFD codes. Remora asks for forty-eight orders of fried bananas. While waiting for their meals, Nero mentions Coach Genghis, who he remembers as being a nice man, and Remora points out that he was a notorious villain in disguise. He also attempts to bring up Bass's status as a fugitive, but Nero interrupts him and asks Sunny to bring them napkins. All that is mentioned of the rest of the meal is that the staff had a whispered conversation.
When an argument breaks out at night over whether or not the Baudelaire children are murderers, Remora mentions that they were pretty good students.
At the trial for Olaf and the Baudelaires the next day, Remora submits grade books as evidence. When chaos breaks out over whether or not the children are to be trusted, Remora shouts that they are good students.
Remora is last seen wandering around the seventh story with Nero, wondering something about fried bananas. It is unknown whether he survived the subsequent Hotel Denouement Fire.
Netflix Series Divergent Canon
Remora's role in The Austere Academy is relatively the same as in the books, as he tells boring short stories in his class. He and Mrs. Bass also unknowingly intercept the Quagmires' attempts to warn the Baudelaires that Count Olaf is on the property. He later assists Vice-Principal Nero and Mrs. Bass in quizzing the Baudelaires in front of the school.
He is portrayed by Malcolm Stewart.
|“||One day I went to the store to purchase a carton of milk. When I got home, I poured the milk into a glass and drank it. Then I watched television. The end.||”|
— Chapter Four
|“||One afternoon a man named Edward got into a green truck and drove to a farm. The farm had geese and cows. The end.||”|
— Chapter Four
- Mr. Remora: In my story about the donkey, how many miles did the donkey run?
- Violet Baudelaire: Six.
- Mr. Remora: In my story about the mushroom, what was the name of the chef?
- Violet Baudelaire: Maurice.
- Mr. Remora: In my story about the dump truck, what color were the rocks it carried?
- Violet Baudelaire: Gray and brown.
|“||Nero, there's no use continuing these exams. Violet is a very fine student, and has obviously studied very hard.||”|
— Chapter Twelve
|“||Please, boss. You said we could stop for a lunch break.||”|
— Chapter Six
|“||How do you know there will be music critics at the party? My invitation just said there'd be an all-you-can-eat banana buffet.||”|
— Chapter Six
- Vice Principal Nero: That foreigner's head reminds me of that nice man Coach Genghis.
- Mr. Remora: Nice man? If I remember correctly, he was a notorious villain in disguise.
|“||They were pretty good students, if I remember correctly.||”|
— Chapter Ten
|“||I submit these grade books!||”|
— Chapter Eleven
|“||They're good students!||”|
— Chapter Eleven
Remora is described as having a thick, dark mustache, "as if somebody had chopped off a gorilla's thumb and stuck it above [his] lip." When he is seen at night, it is said he has a nightcap shaped like a banana.
- When listing people who do not care about the Baudelaires, and thus are basically associates of his, Olaf names Remora.
- In the Netflix series, Remora's surname can be seen in a V.F.D. tunnel. While this could imply he was part of VFD, he also seems unaware of any and all VFD codes, making the reason for his name's appearance unclear.
- Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass and Ms. Tench are named after fish as a pun; a group of fish is called a school.