|“||It is not difficult to describe Sharon Haines, because we've all seen the likes of her plenty of times. Bad mothers are like old newspapers. No one has need of them, but they're everywhere, blowing around town.||”|
Sharon Haines is introduced in Shouldn't You Be in School? as a person working in Stain'd-by-the-Sea's Department of Education. She works for Hangfire in order to get back her kidnapped daughter, Lizzie Haines. She befriends S. Theodora Markson, frequently spending time with her until severing the friendship from the former's part after abducting Moxie Mallahan, Jake Hix, Cleo Knight and her son, Kellar Haines and attacking S. Theodora Markson.
Sharon lived with her two children, Lizzie and Kellar, until Lizzie left to study under the actress Sally Murphy. After a few months, Lizzie's letters stopped arriving, and Sharon instead recieved word from Hangfire, who had kidnapped Lizzie. He ordered her and Kellar to obey his instructions in exchange for Lizzie's freedom. She grew paranoid and obsessed with obeying Hangfire without question.
Hangfire orders Sharon and Kellar to go to Stain'd-by-the-Sea and trick S. Theodora Markson and her apprentice, Lemony Snicket, in order to keep them from realizing Hangfire's plan to take all the schoolchildren to Wade Academy and burn down the library. At some point, Ellington Feint arrived at the school to assist Hangfire in exchange for her father's release, going under the false name Filen N. Gottlin, and though Sharon searched her for the Bombinating Beast statue, which Hangfire wanted, she didn't find it. Ellington also made Sharon promise to "take good care of" her father's phonograph, which had been left behind when she'd escaped the town last.
Upon the arrival of Lemony Snicket and S. Theodora Markson at 350 Wayward Way, Sharon puts up the pretense of working in the non-existent Department of Education. She disregards her son, Kellar, in the similar way that Theodora disregards her apprentice, Lemony, and they discuss on the case presented; a barn was burned, according to Sharon, and many schoolchildren are in danger. The sole witness to the case is a man named Harold Limetta- a fake name by Sharon- and she and Theodora get along amiably, creating a supposed friendship. They go out together and paint their nails the same color: yellow.
At the arrest of Dashiell Qwerty, who was framed for arson, Sharon celebrates with Theodora in the Far East Suite, who knew nothing about the real plan in hand. Seemingly unbothered by Lemony's remark on how schoolchildren were still in danger, as Stain'd Secondary was set on fire even after Qwerty's arrest, she resumes partying with Theodora.
Sharon and Hangfire then strike (literally) a deal with Theodora, meaning she'll leave town and refuse to stop them in exchange for Lemony's safety. She then goes with him to 350 Wayward Way and kidnaps Moxie, Jake, Cleo and Kellar to take to Wade Academy, where all the other schoolchildren have been transferred. There, Sharon mainly keeps the students locked up, except for transporting Hangfire's supplies into the school, and keeps them drugged with laudanum.
After Snicket sneaks into the school, Ellington Feint hides him in her room and tries to distract Sharon from finding him, though she expresses anger for the destruction of her phonograph. Sharon reminds her to play her part in Hangfire's plan before leaving.
The next day, following Hangfire's instructions, Sharon takes the students on a "field trip" to Partial Foods, where she has them steal Honeydew Lemons and load them onto the bus. She spies Lemony and Ornette sneaking away from the group, but when she confronts them, Kellar tells her to leave them alone and tells her that they need to stop assisting Hangfire. Sharon raises a hand, as if to strike her son, but instead leaves.
Kellar goes back to school with her, but after failing to convince her to abandon Hangfire, he leaves her and lives with the Mallahans in their lighthouse.
Hangfire gives Sharon one last order; to sneak onto the train out of Stain'd-by-the-Sea, The Thistle of the Valley, in order to pretend to be him while masked when necessary. She also gives her former "friend" Theodora a skeleton key so that she can steal a unifom and sneak aboard the train, which Theodora gives back at Stain'd Station.
Sharon spots Lemony Snicket at the train station, and when he points out that Theodora had given her back the skeleton key, she tells him to leave and stop interfering. She also spots Kellar in the crowd and tells him the same thing.
Hangfire then has Sharon imitate him to meet with Lemony Snicket, in order to distract him while he retrieves the statue from Ellington Feint. But when Snicket reveals that Lizzie is safe and aboard the train, Sharon gasps and unmasks, demanding the location of her daughter, which causes Lemony to flee.
After the traincrash, Sharon reunites with her children, and Snicket hopes that Lizzie and Kellar learn from her mistakes. The last he sees of Sharon is of her standing quietly nearby as her children talk on the taxicab.
A very edgy woman, Sharon seems a little too eager to convince others while pretending or covering up things. She has some sort of hold on her son, Kellar, to the point where he is afraid to divulge the truth directly to Lemony and his associates.
She is also shown to be very cruel, giving out orders and threatening others subtly. This is mainly spurred on by her motivation to get her daughter, Lizzie, back from Hangfire.
- Her surname could be a reference to Canadian jazz-poet Paul Haines, or his daughter, Emily Haines, a songwriter and singer. The name may also come from the character Guy Haines from Patrcia Highsmith's 1950 novel, Strangers on a Train.
|Lizzie Haines||Kellar Haines|