|“||It is a delight to have a visitor from the city. Stain'd-by-the-Sea has fewer and fewer well-bred people like ourselves.||”|
— Smogface Wiley, File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents
Smogface Wiley is a character from File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents, specifically the sixth incident, "Silver Spoon."
Smogface Wiley was born into a prestigious and rich family, which owned several businesses, from lumber to tube socks. Due to this, he considers himself "well-bred" and better than the other residents of the town. While his given name is not revealed in the books, everyone in Stain'd-by-the-Sea, where he lived for a time, referred to him as "Smogface" due to his habit of smoking terrible-smelling cigarillos.
Smogface lived in a large mansion on Nib Court, with a large brass walrus out front and a driveway paved with seashells. It is noticed that his limousine windows need washing.
He tends to throw parties for several fancy guests, wiith personalized menu and decorations, including monogramed silverware by the guests' surname; however, he was unable to find silverware with an R label, so he is only able to invite twenty-four guests at a time. Some of his guests were Dr. Auchincloss, Madame Blavatsky and Mr. Samsa.
Silver Spoon/Twenty-Five Guests
While driving by Diceys Department Store in his limousine, Smogface spots Randall, a drifter, taking a break from window washing to eat canned peaches with a silver spoon, engraved with R. Smogface has the driver stop and offers Randall several things for the spoon- a carton of cigarillos, a pinkie ring, a ride in the limousine and a hot bath. Randall refuses, the spoon being a gift from his grandfather and one of his few possessions, and also still having windows to wash.
A few days afterwards, while the drifters leave the camp to harvest mushrooms by Blotted Boulevard, Smogface enters the camp and steals the spoon, causing the guard dog, Ashberry, to start barking. He leaves behndd an extinguished cigarillo by the fire. When Randall approaches the mansion, Wiley refuses to see him, and a servant throws him out on his ear. That night, Randall mentions the theft to Dashiell Qwerty, and the following night, be brings Lemony Snicket to investigate.
The morning after, Snicket arrives at the Wiley mansion, claiming to be visiting from the city. Smogface, halfway through an incredibly large breakfast, claims to Snicket, upon being asked, that he'd asked Randall to move aside so he could admire his reflection in a window while shopping for ascots. He says that he doesn't associate with greasy drifters and one-eared dogs; the mention of Ashberry tips Snicket off to the lie. Snicket asks about the guests, and when Wiley begins to suspect he is not well-bred, Snicket reveals the lie and demands the spoon back, threatening to tell the other guests about the theft. Smogface begrudgingly hands it over, before having Snicket thrown out on his ear.
- There is a good possibility that he is Sir; in the books, Sir's name is unknown, and his face is always covered in smoke due to his habit of smoking; Snicket notes in Silver Spoon that when smoking cigarillos, Wiley already has smoke under his nose. In addition to this, Smogface's family is said to own a lumber business, which could quite possibly be Lucky Smells Lumbermill. In the TV series, an excerpt from Sir's book says that Sir smokes cigarillos and uses a silver spoon to eat alphabet soup.