Lemony Snicket Wiki
Lemony Snicket Wiki

I don't pay much attention to people unless they're ill.
— The Owner, File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents, "Vanished Message"

The owner of the Swinster Pharmacy is a very tall man only seen very briefly.


While the Swinster Pharmacy is under investigation, the sixteenth myth claims that the owner is "completely insane" and quite tall, and that while nobody ever sees him arrive at the building, everyone sees him leave- though the investigators are not entirely sure he is the owner. He is presumably the "he" who will not tell the newspapers what they sell.[2]

The Pharmacist once encountered a young Lemony Snicket, who was looking for a postcard left behind by previous customer Lois Dressing. The owner was mostly preoccupied with things that were "ill," also explaining that he received no calls from Dressing as the phone was ill. He manages to recall that she asked directions to Stain'd Station before looking at her book and hurrying out the door in the opposite direction. All he remembered about the book was the cover, which he mistook for a virus or bacteria.[1]

Physical Appearance

The owner is extremely tall, to the point where Snicket at first mistook his legs for tubes of wrapping paper, and his head touched the light fixture. He is "as tall as three tall things stacked on top of each other," with a white, faintly vertically-striped jacket. His face is described as pale and old.[1]


The owner of the Swinster Pharmacy is completely insane and quite tall.
He arrives before we wake up but everyone sees him leave.
think he's the owner.
Swinster Pharmacist: Are you ill?
Lemony Snicket: No. I'm Lemony Snicket. Are you Swinster?
Swinster Pharmacist: There is no Swinster.
Lemony Snicket: I'm here to help a woman who was in here recently.
Swinster Pharmacist: Is she ill?
Lemony Snicket: I hope not. She has troubles enough. She was in here recently and left an important postcard behind.
Swinster Pharmacist: I found no postcard.
Lemony Snicket: She tried to get ahold of you, but you didn't answer the phone.
Swinster Pharmacist: The phone is ill.
File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents, "Vanished Message"
Lemony Snicket: Did you happen to notice the name of the book?
Swinster Pharmacist, shrugging: The cover had a virus on it.
Lemony Snicket: A virus?
Swinster Pharmacist: Possibly a bacteria. It made the book look ill.
File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents, "Vanished Message"