The Cover of the The Ersatz Elevator.
The Ersatz Elevator is Book The Sixth in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events.
The Book
Release Date: 2001
Number of Pages: 259
Number in Series: Book the Sixth
Disguise: Gunther
Guardian: Jerome and Esme Squalor
Border: 30 Black and Red Ropes tied together to be Ersatz.
Spine: Red
Final Image/Clue: The Baudelaires sit on the steps of Veblen Hall, sobbing, and a crow passes by foreshadowing The Vile- Village.
Summary
As the story begins, the Baudelaire orphans are brought to their new guardians by Mr. Poe. As they approach 667 Dark Avenue, the Baudelaires' new home, they see very tall huge trees that block the sunlight. The doorman, who is dressed in a long coat that covers his hands, explains to them that they won't be able to use the elevator to get to the penthouse dwelling of their guardians, not because it is out of order, but because the neighborhood recently decided that elevators and light are no longer "in". Mr. Poe -- recently promoted to his bank's Vice President in Charge of Orphan Affairs -- departs for a helicopter ride in search of the Quagmire triplets, leaving the Baudelaire orphans to walk the 48 or 84 flights to the penthouse.
After a detailed description of the long, dark march upwards, the Baudelaires come to the penthouse. As the door is opened, they are welcomed by Jerome Squalor who leads them through several rooms as dark as the street and lobby. He offers them aqueous martinis (actually just water in a fancy glass with an olive) and introduces them to his wife Esmé Squalor who is a very "in" person and the city's sixth most important financial advisor. She explains everything that is "in" and "out," such as orphans being "in". Then they get a phone call that says light is "in" and dark is "out". The orphans wonder what would happen if orphans were "out". They then pick their rooms. Violet chooses the room with a work bench although tools are "out". Klaus picks the room next to the library that is full of "in" books on what is "in".
Esmé later mentions that it is boring to listen to the Baudelaires' worries about the Quagmire triplets. She gives them pinstripe suits she has bought for them because they are very "in". However, the pinstripe suits are too big but they go to put them on. Esmé mentions that they will go to Café Salmonella, an "in" restaurant. She tells them that she will stay at the penthouse with Gunther and discuss the "In" Auction which she explains is an auction that you sell everything that is "in". She says Gunther will be the auctioneer.
The Baudelaires go to try on their pinstripes when Gunther approaches with the element of surprise. They quickly learn he is Count Olaf. He has a monocle to disguise his eyebrow and boots to disguise his eye tattoo. He uses a funny accent and wears a pinstripe to look "in". Then Esmé and Jerome come and Jerome takes them to Café Salmonella, which the Baudelaires don't enjoy, not because of the bad food, but the thought of Gunther. Jerome explains to them he thinks they are being xenophobic.
When they arrive home the doorman says nobody is allowed up to the penthouse until Gunther leaves and he says he hasn't. Jerome explains that he may be on his way down and so the doorman lets them go. When they reach the penthouse Esmé tells them that Gunther left a long time ago.
The next day Jerome offers to take the children to a tailor to fix their pinstripes but Esmé says he must go pick up the new "in" drink, parsley soda. So the children are alone and decide to search the penthouse for Gunther. They find nothing, so they decide to look for him in the other apartments by listening. They reach the bottom and find nothing but the fact that the building is 66 stories high. The doorman is putting up decorations on the elevator and Klaus begins to think really hard. At that time Esmé and Jerome come in with crates of parsley soda. They climb the staircase while Esmé is talking, Klaus is thinking, and the rest are quiet.
That night Klaus tells his sister that there is one elevator on each floor except for top floor which has two. They go to investigate and find one is an ersatz elevator. They then make an ersatz rope out of cords, ties, and curtains. They climb down and find the Quagmires trapped in a large cage. They say Gunther is trying to put them in an object in the auction and then have an associate bid the highest and smuggle them out of the city. Violet says she could melt and bend the metal cage and they go back up to make the invention. They find three fire tongs and warm them up in one of the 50 or so ovens in the penthouse. They climb back down to find the Quagmires had been taken by Count Olaf again. They are very grieved and go back up to the penthouse.
There they find a note from Jerome that says he has left and that Esmé will take them to the auction. Klaus decides to look in the auction catalog to see if they can find the lot that the Quagmires will be put in to. They decide on lot #50, V.F.D. When they go to tell Esmé she agrees with them and grabs them. They calmly walk out the door and she leads them to the ersatz elevator. She opens the door and pushes them down the shaft. But they don't hit the ground. They hit a net and become trapped. Esmé laughs and says that Olaf is a wonderful person and that he was her acting teacher. She leaves them and goes to the auction.
Sunny uses her teeth to climb up the shaft. Violet tells her to get the ersatz rope and jump down here. Sunny bites a hole in the net and they attach the rope to the pegs that hold up the net. They climb through the hole till they reach the bottom. At the bottom are Violet's ersatz welding torches. They use those as light to travel down the hall at the bottom. When they reach the end of the long hall they don't know what to do. They try getting someone's attention by banging on the ceiling and ash comes down. They find it's a trap door and they use the tongs to pry the door open. It works and when they get out they find the Baudelaire Mansion that had been burnt down.
They rush to Veblen Hall (where the auction is) and walk inside. They see a huge crowd of people and Mr. Poe is one of them along with Jerome.One peculiar factor in this scene is that Jerome is seen eating a salmon puff, even though earlier in the book he stated that he can't stand the taste of salmon. This could be reason to believe that Jerome might be in disguise or stated that he didn't like salmon for some unknown reason. Gunther and Esmé are on the stage where they are just auctioning off Lot #46. They tell Jerome and Mr. Poe to buy them Lot #50. Then Lot #48 (which is a statue of a red herring) to the doorman. He tells his "boss" that they're here. Gunther skips Lot #49 and goes right to #50 which is a big box. Mr. Poe and Jerome back down and then Sunny bids 1,000 dollars on it. The Baudelaires rush up and tear the box open only to reveal Very Fancy Doilies. Count Olaf's identity is revealed when he slips on a doily and his boots and monocle come off, and he and Esme run out of the auction hall. The audience try to chase them, but get into a hopeless tangle when slipping on the doilies and tumbling down. Jerome quits taking care of them, the doorman is The Hook-Handed Man, and the Quagmires are in the red herring.