"Volunteers Fighting Disease" is the song sung by the Volunteers Fighting Disease in The Hostile Hospital.
Lyrics[]
At Heimlich Hospital, the volunteers go from room to room, handing out pink, heart-shaped balloons to sick patients with the belief that their cheerful attitudes can heal the sick. Led by the bearded man and his guitar, they sing the following song:[1]
- We are Volunteers Fighting Disease
- And we're cheerful all day long
- If someone said that we were sad
- That person would be wrong
- We visit people who are sick
- And try to make them smile
- Even if their noses bleed
- Or if they cough up bile
- Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee
- Hope you get well soon
- Ho ho ho, hee hee hee
- Have a heart-shaped balloon
- We visit people who are ill
- And try to make them laugh
- Even when the doctor says
- He must saw them in half
- We sing and sing all night and day
- And then we sing some more
- We sing to boys with broken bones
- And girls whose throats are sore
- Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee
- Hope you get well soon
- Ho ho ho, hee hee hee
- Have a heart-shaped balloon
- We sing to men with measles
- And to women with the flu
- And if you breathe in deadly germs
- We'll probably sing to you
- Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee
- Hope you get well soon
- Ho ho ho, hee hee hee
- Have a heart-shaped balloon
Netflix Additional Lyrics[]
Some additional lyrics are added in the Netflix adaptation.[2]
When Klaus takes a balloon:
- We visit patients in their beds
- And get them to cheer up
- Even when they donate blood
- Or pee into a cup
While visiting patients:
- We visit victims everywhere
- And try to calm them down
- Even when their raw red throats
- Make their faces frown
- We sing and sing and sing and sing
- You cannot turn us off
- The cheerful lyrics work like pills
- And might improve your cough
- We visit people with bad mouths
- Whose tongues swell up with sores
- Our songs bring lots of sunshine in
- Although they're stuck indoors
- We visit folks with leprosy
- And sing them songs as such
- We're careful not to touch them, though
- Or breathe in very much
While in a hallway:
- We sing while walking down the hall
- And then consult our list
- To see the name of anyone
- Who just might have a cyst
While the hospital is burning:
- The hospital is burning down
- It really is a shame
- And the worst part is
- The Baudelaires are totally to blame
- The hospital is burning down
- and soon it will be ashes
- All the patients have to leave
- Even those with rashes
Trivia[]
- John Bobek, the Bearded Man in the Netflix series, uploaded a video of how to play the song onto YouTube.
Appearances[]
Gallery[]
John Bobek - Volunteers Fighting Disease Song (from A Series Of Unfortunate Events S2)
John Bobek showing how to play.