Weyden is a colonist who lives on The Island. She is described as having red hair.
Weyden knew a man who owned a sealing schooner named Humphrey. Due to her traveling on a Vaporetto of Favorite Detritus, it is often speculated that Weyden used to be a member of VFD.
She arrived at The Island on a raft of books, a Vaporetto of Favorite Detritus. When she joins the colony, Ishmael suggests that she let the sheep carry the books to the arboretum, as a library will only lead to trouble. However, Professor Fletcher disagrees and helps her hide the books so he can teach the island's children how to read.
While storm-scavenging the day that Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire wash ashore, Weyden finds a salad spinner. Ishmael reminds her that the island's only salads were to be made from seaweed and not spun, and though Sunny suggests that they could make a dried coconut snack with such a tool, Weyden puts the salad spinner onto the sleigh for the sheep to bring to the arboretum.
She is likely among the crowd of islanders who go storm-scavenging the day that Count Olaf and Kit Snicket wash up ashore, with Kit on a raft of books. The colonists leave to go fetch Ishmael to decide what to do, leaving Olaf under the watch of Friday Caliban and the Baudelaires. Upon returning, and under direction from Ishmael, Weyden and Ms. Marlow wrestle a harpoon gun from Olaf's hands and force him into a birdcage. Ishmael suggests that the Baudelaires, Olaf, and Kit be banished, and they abandon them on the coastal shelf.
On Decision Day, when a mutiny breaks out, Weyden is seen tearing her own hair out for seemingly no reason at all. The colonists descend into chaos until Count Olaf arrives, declaring himself King. He begins to monologue, and when he mentions a sealing schooner, she guesses that it belonged to Humphrey, though this is incorrect.
Ishmael shoots Olaf with a harpoon gun, which releases the Medusoid Mycelium hidden under his robe, poisoning the islanders. He suggests the islanders drink cordial to try and dilute the poison, and the fermented cordial drugs them into compliance. He convinces them that the Baudelaires are the root of the trouble, and then gathers them on the outrigger and has them sail off towards Lousy Lane for a cure, though they will not make it in time to save their lives.
It is unknown if she met her fate by being poisoned by the Medusoid Mycelium. It is noted that the Incredibly Deadly Viper followed the boat with an apple, and as the Baudelaires did not know this, it is possible some islanders survived to report this to Lemony Snicket. Friday knew the snake to be friendly, and thus may have taken the apple from it; however, it is unknown if she would have been able to convince Larsen or the drugged islanders to eat it.
- She is likely named after Humphrey Van Weyden, a character in Jack London's The Sea-Wolf.
- While she makes no physical appearance in the Netflix Adaptation of The End, she could still potentially be one of the unnamed islanders.